The Power Of Believing In Yourself With Doranita Tyler

Your limiting beliefs stop you from unleashing your full potential and overcoming the biggest obstacles in your life. By believing in yourself and what you can do, your self-doubts and fears will come crashing down. Haseena Shaheed-Jackson is joined by Doranita Tyler, who shares how she bravely faced financial losses and a complete lack of resources to pursue her dream. Even with all the odds against her, she was able to turn it all around and start her own company, American Family Insurance. She talks about achieving success through perseverance, hard work, and the right support system from the most trusted people around her. Doranita also explains how she helps clients have a better life through insurance. 

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The Power Of Believing In Yourself With Doranita Tyler

Doranita, I’m excited to have you on here. I want to dive right in because you have a powerful story. You are the owner of your business, American Family Insurance. Tell me, how did you get started in your business? What brought you into this arena?

First, I want to say thank you, Haseena, because I truly admire you. We have known each other for years. I’ve watched you. I admire what you’re doing and hope to one day walk in your shoes as well. I’ve been an agent. I’ve had my business for years but it came through. We have different seasons in life or peaks and valleys. This came during the valley. I had lost my job. My marriage was over and I had to start over. One thing I always did was that I stayed focused on motivational speakers and reading.

At that time, it was Les Brown. I attended one of his programs and he mentioned, “You need to pray and ask God to reveal what’s your next step.” He wasn’t talking to me. He was talking to everybody in the room. From his presentation, that was the only thing I remembered. When I got home, I started writing. First, I prayed like I never prayed before. The tears were flowing like a faucet I couldn’t turn off. I started writing as the Lord guided me.

When I finished writing, it was the plan years ago that I would start a business. I was bankrupt. I didn’t have any money. I’m about to move back home with my parents and my children but God said, “I’m going to open the door and give you this opportunity, which was going into the insurance business but when I do, you have to reach back and help others.” That has been the vision. God opened a door. It has been opportunity after opportunity.

I’m staying focused on making sure that I reach back and help others. That has been the driving force. I’m realizing the opportunity that I was given. A part of my background is that I’m a domestic violence survivor. My blessing was that I was able to go home but there are so many people who don’t have that. They would have to go to the shelters and things like that. I wanted to make sure that I was able to give back and help others to be a resource and to inspire them.

You said so many things in that. I have to go back and touch on a few of those. The one is the fact that you experienced a loss where your life turned around and you had no money but you had the strategic plan that you knew you were going to own a business. You didn’t let the fact that you didn’t have any money stop you from pressing forward with your plan. What did that feel like? A lot of times, we say to ourselves, “I can’t do this or that. I can’t leave a job,” but I’m not telling anybody to leave a job. I would never tell anyone to go down that road unless you feel comfortable with it.

What does it look like? What makes you want to go forward, knowing that you have zero in the bank but you have this drive? What did you do? What actions did you take? What were the steps? You were able to go back home. You did have someone and somewhere you could go live but still, you had no money. What made you still go forward with this dream of owning your business?

I needed to be in a career that gave me flexibility for my children, first and foremost. They were young. I needed to be sure that I could be with them or be there whenever they needed me. That was driving me. I’ve always had this drive to succeed at whatever I did. I needed something because when you’re in that type of situation, you’re beaten down. You feel nothing but the Lord inspired me.

The way it came about is that I was working for a couple of other agents with another company, State Farm. I thought that my career path was going to be working with State Farm but that wasn’t the case. I ended up coming with American Family but the thing is I looked at the two agents that I worked for. It has always been my motto, “If they could do it, I could do it too.”

It’s knowing that in everything that I did, God was along the way. I can’t acknowledge anything that has happened in my life without him and his hand. It’s having that revelation and that assurance, “I’m going to make this happen but you have to make sure you get back. You do this and I’ll do this. This is what you’re responsible for doing.” It has always been that drive.

It’s having support. I couldn’t have done it without my parents because my children were 1 and 2 when I divorced. They were 2 and 3 when I started an agency. Young children require a lot. I was working at the time because I was doing the State Farm thing. That was part-time. I did have a full-time job that I was moving up in but I didn’t see a future in it. I wanted something that added value and made a difference.

When this opportunity came, I wanted to dive in. When I initially told my mother and father, they were initially not on board. They were like, “Are you sure you want to leave your job? Are you sure this is what you want to do?” Once I shared with them, and they saw my drive and how important this was for me, they supported me wholeheartedly.

Even though I was pursuing it, there were still peaks and valleys there too. I like to write and do journals. That’s the way that I pour into it. I still have the journal that I wrote. On one of my low points, I felt like such a failure, “I want someone to love me. I can’t take care of my kids, put shoes on their feet, or feed them. I don’t put a roof over their heads.” I had a life insurance policy and I was thinking, “If I kill myself, then at least I could take care of my kids.” That’s how low I was. Thank God I closed that journal.

A couple of days later, I opened it up and read it back again. When I read it back, I was reading and was like, “Everything that I thought I needed, I had. Maybe I couldn’t provide for my kids but my kids never suffered. Even when you’re in those valleys, those peaks are something to look back on so that you can continue to move forward.” The support that I’ve had was phenomenal.

I’m a firm believer that if you put your mind to it, the resources will come. You are testimony to that. You were at that low point and you felt, “I’m not doing these things or that.” However, as you look back, when you saw those negative words that you wrote, two days later after you wrote them, you said, “I am doing all these things.” You saw the evidence of your progress and that’s what helped you to keep going forward. One of the other things that you mentioned was failing. John Maxwell says, “We must fail forward.” You can’t go back and keep lamenting.

Les Brown says, “If you fall, fall on your back so at least you look up. If you look up, you can get up.”

I love that one too. I’m going to have to add that one down. Fall on your back so that you’re looking up. This is what my pastor said one time, “If you look down, you see nothing but dirt and mud. If you look up, you see nothing but hope because you see the sky and its beauty. That keeps you going forward.” I love what Les said. I’m in alignment with that.

I was laughing about the falling on your back because sometimes we’re so busy thinking we don’t have time for God, “I’m so busy.” I ended up falling. I fell hard on my back. I’m looking up and it got my attention. It came to me then, “Are you going to slow down now?”

What is one of the failures that you had when you first started where you said, “I’m going to give up,” but you thought about it and said, “I have to keep going forward?” You didn’t allow that failure to hold you back and give up on that plan. What was the thing that happened to you that almost caused you not to go forward?

When you have a business plan, you have your goals. You know what you’re doing. I took my eyes off what my plan was. I started looking at other people and comparing myself to others. We get a production report. On the production report, I would be at the bottom. There would be some negative people who would ridicule you because you’re at that report. I beat myself up so much that the negativity was drowning me but I’m grateful that I was able to bounce back from it.

I was at a point where I felt like I was a failure. I noticed that I’m feeling like a failure because I’m measuring myself by somebody else, not about what my goals are and not staying focused on what my goals were but the good thing is that I do write them down. I’ll go so low and then I’ll have to step back. When I was writing in my journal, I had to step back. When I step back and look at it, it’s like, “Let me stay focused on doing what I’m doing. What’s my goal?”

Eventually, I started moving up the report. It’s interesting because there’s this particular agent who ridiculed me. Maybe he didn’t mean any harm but people don’t know what you’re going through. I was a single mother trying to take care of my kids. I had my parents but I was going through a lot and people don’t think about it. That very agent is still with the company and the tables have turned. It’s not that I’m better than him or anything but that’s why you have to keep your eyes on yourself and not what other people are doing and not trying to meet other people’s expectations.

You need to be clear about what your expectations and goals are and stay connected. At times, you may need to tweak them. You have to stay connected because they will evolve. I’ve been amazed at how the goals have been evolving because initially, I thought it was about insurance. That’s my career but it has evolved into so much more where this is a vehicle for my calling.

I have two things that I want to go back to. It sounds like to me your way of overcoming the negativity is to journal, go back, and read your words to help you stay in a positive mindset. That is a wonderful tool. For people who do like to write, if you were to jot down your ideas and thoughts and go back to them instead of looking at other people, that will keep you on the path that you need to be going down. Instead of looking at what someone else has or the things that they have, look at what you’re supposed to be doing and that will keep you on track. It sounds like that’s the method that you used there.

You put it perfectly. I journal because I have to get it out of my head. It clouds my thinking and I can’t focus. I journal to get it out. I have to step away from it and then come back. When you come back, it changes the perspective.

One of the other things that I want to talk about is the support system. Everybody does not have the same support system but I love the fact that you sat down with your parents to share your dream right off the bat before you even went out there because you were already thinking about how you needed to have a circle surrounding you that helped to lift you. I love that your parents told you initially, “Are you sure you want to do this? Is this the right path for you?” You said yes and they still stuck behind you. How instrumental were they? When you had those peaks and valleys in your low period, how important was that support system to you? What did they say? What did they do to help you stay focused?

It was everything because once I divorced, my children’s father wasn’t in their life. My parents felt that void. They were my support because when you start a small business, you work a lot of late nights. My parents were there. I also have two older brothers who were there to help me with my children when I needed it. I don’t know if you remember Bill Federal. My father went and paid off the mortgage so that he could transfer his insurance to me. I’m like, “You don’t have to do that,” but that was his way of letting me know how much he supported me.

They supported me in being clients and helping me with my children. They supported me financially and mentally, being able to know that they were there. There was no judgment or condemnation because it was hard. I was working some long hours and not bringing any money home because my other support was my staff. I’ve always had employees. Even when I couldn’t pay myself, I was paying employees. I’m grateful that I have a team. I call them my team. They see the vision and support it. They take and run with the things that I’m not able to do. It’s having them.

I did remarry. God sent the right person to help me. I was bankrupt. I had horrible credit. He sent me a man with perfect credit and helped me get credit together. It’s recognizing the right people and then sharing too. That’s something else that’s important too. I shared with my parents, “This is what I desire to do,” and even with my husband. Once we got married, there were some difficult times there.

He’s wondering, “Should you continue with this business?” He thought maybe I should let it go because I wasn’t bringing much money home. A lot of money was going out but then it’s having that conversation and him believing, understanding, and seeing the big picture. You have to know what the picture is so that you can share it and communicate it with others so that they can help you. God has always placed the right people in my corner to help me move every step of the way.

When did you see the tide start turning on your business? When did you see that moment where you were going from the negative into the positive? What changed? What actions were you taking that got you over to the other side?

It was supposed to be a 2-year program but for me, it took 3 years to get off this program that they had. It probably took me seven years before I could start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I realized that this was more than insurance. I love what I do and how my team supports me in it because what we do is more than selling insurance. We help people understand. We have to understand what’s important to people and make sure that we’re properly protecting them. We also build some strong relationships. It’s about seven years, and then moving forward and being able to add more people. Over the years, it was sending in the right people.

Seven years is when you saw that hard work finally paying off. What I loved is that you were steering the ship and charting the course because you had the vision and people who were willing to follow you. What made them want to follow you? What made them get the buy-in to want to be part of Doranita’s vision that she had to open up and have her insurance company?

None of everyone who works for me was looking for a job. It’s just that I saw something in them. I have a vision of how I want our team to look. I can’t do everything. There were areas where I was weak and I needed other people who were strong. I would meet people and identify certain strengths that they had. I would start talking about them because it is as little or small as, “Stand here with me and move up in my agency.” There’s an opportunity if they desire to have their business. The opportunity is endless here. It depends on what they want. It’s sharing the vision.

The main thing is that it’s not about selling insurance. That’s not the thing. It’s about understanding what’s important to people, protecting what matters, and helping them to understand how insurance works. It’s not about the price. It’s about relationships. That’s something so key. It’s the relationships that I build with my team that make the difference.

It has helped me to get some great people who want to stay with me. What is it? It’s just that I share the vision. They see the vision, they’re excited, and they want to be a part of it. That’s the big thing. I keep saying. It’s not about insurance. It’s about touching lives and making a difference. We get to see that time and time again. It’s rewarding. We’re engaged with our clients and also the community. It gives your life meaning.

You said some interesting nuggets there. You brought people in. You explained to them what your vision was and then they bought into that because they believed in what you were doing. You have a cause. It’s not about selling insurance. You’re looking to help people’s lives become better. We were talking about calling and it appears that is your calling. How does this vision of insurance equate to helping someone have a better life? That’s what your calling is. You’re saying, “Through insurance, I’m helping you to have a better life.” How does that connect together? Explain it to me.

Part of it is going back to how I came into it. I let people know, “This is a career path that the Lord provided for me. This wasn’t what I chose for me. This is what he chose because it’s a career that truly mirrors my heart in loving and wanting to help people and serving.” I’m a servant leader. I evolved through the pandemic.

I have a mission statement that was formed because the Lord opened this door so that I could reach back and help others. Initially, my focus has always been on women and domestic violence, helping them to turn from victims to survivors. The thing that pushed it was, “If you could do it, I could do it too.” That’s what I want to be to them.

I had a mission statement and it says, “I desire to encourage women to move beyond the baggage of their past and support them to pursue their dreams within their families, their careers, and beyond.” I desire to do that because that’s what the Lord has done with me in giving me opportunities that I would never have thought possible. I don’t think anything happens by accident. There’s a reason. We have to find a way to turn it so that it glorifies God. That’s the motivating factor. I’m sharing that with my team.

God sends me the right people. Brenda who has been with me for years was trying to pay an insurance payment to another agent. I wasn’t even her agent. We struck up a conversation and it went from there. Another lady who would be with me for a few years was coming in to make a claim. I was looking for someone bilingual. I got a bonus. She was not only bilingual but she knew sign language. It was a confirmation.

On her first day, we had two clients who were hearing impaired. How is it that they both came on her first day? Little things like that show me. Another one has been with me for years. It’s the same thing. Our conversation was not around her working for me but sharing, “This is what I’m trying to do. I want to help.” It has been an amazing journey to see how he’s put this together.

The more you talk, the more that you validate the concept of, “The resources will come if you believe. The resources will be provided if you keep going forward.” We cannot allow what we don’t have to keep us from going forward to what we can achieve. Thank you so much for sharing that. To me, this whole time together has validated how important it is to not allow what you don’t have to stop you from going forward to what you can have and achieve.

One more thing that I would like for you to share is this. I bring this up because I am going back to school to study. One of the things is about human services. It’s so important for domestic violence victims to have that support system or be able to have hope. When they don’t have that, then they want to give up on life. You are a prime example of what happens if you have a support system and if you believe in hope.

You don’t have to stay in a situation that is abusive and harmful to you and your children. We must believe in getting out of any environment that devalues us and will cause us to not believe in who we can become. What is a blasting note or a comment that you want to leave with somebody who’s saying, “I can’t do it. I can’t go forward. I don’t have the resources.” What is something that you can tell them or one action that they can take to show them that they can do it?

There are resources. You have to reach out to those resources, whether it’s through the police department because there are shelters out there. It’s amazing because years ago, I did go to a shelter, not that I had to live there but I went there for counseling. Years later, I sit on that board. God said, “Go back and help.” I didn’t have intentions. I didn’t know where the shelter was but you have to share with people. Find people who you can confide in. Sharing with people what I desire to do got me connected with this board.

One thing that I noticed when I was on this board is the Crisis Center for South Suburbia. In my first meeting, they mentioned the population is predominantly African-American women. I wanted to know why. It was because we lacked resources. It is so important that you’re getting this message out and sharing it if there’s one person that you can confide in. For me, it was Brenda. That was the one person who knew what was going on.

My parents didn’t know because there’s this shame that’s going on. If there’s one person that you can confide in to help you, find the courage to take that step. That’s the thing. When you are in that type of situation, you don’t realize what you’re worth but you are worth so much. You have to believe that and find one person that you can confide in. That’s taking the first step.

There’s one thing that you brought up that is so true. Women of color have the hardest time getting out of a situation because they feel they lack resources but you have to know that there are resources available. Don’t go into that mindset and think that you can be defeated. Instead, think that you can be a victor and that you can overcome any obstacle that you have if you believe and have hope. Thank you so much, Doranita, for taking this time to share your story and showing how you can go from being bankrupt to owning your business, having that vision, and striving forward to it. Where you start doesn’t mean that’s where you will end. Thank you so much for your time.

That’s not where you’re going to finish. Thank you so much, Haseena.

Important Links

• American Family Insurance
• Crisis Center for South Suburbia

About Doranita Tyler

Doranita Tyler is the savvy business owner of the D. Tyler Agency with American Family Insurance recently celebrating 26 years with the Company. Committed to the highest level of excellence in customer service, whether she’s working with a small business owner, family or individual; her primary objective is to understand her clients’ current as well as long-term needs along with the mission of protecting their legacy. A compassionate community leader, women’s activist, and deeply spiritual person who stands on her faith and Christianity, Doranita balances her work life, family life and external commitments. That dedication has led to her being a cherished member of her community.